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As much as he might want to approach you, he’s put off by your confidence. His ego’s been hurt somehow and now he has to go lick his wounds. No matter what you say to the guy, he takes it as an insult. He’s intimidated and thinks you’re constantly judging him. If his ego’s that fragile, do you even want to deal with him to begin with? Snide comments about whatever you happen to say is a sure sign he’s feeling intimidated.

It’s in the way you hold yourself and interact with those around you. At this point, he’s just trying to downgrade how awesome you are. It’s petty and stupid, but some guys think this makes them look better. Do you suddenly feel like the exchange has turned into an escalating tennis match? Remember, the right ones stick around to learn who you really are.

Did you really need to know how many orgasms he gave his last hookup?

Think about it: how many times have you heard of or even seen first-hand a guy who’s basically looking for someone like his own mother. Think of what makes a good mother and how that would translate to a potential partner. She doesn’t shrink under stress because she can’t afford to.

she has other people—namely her kids—who are counting on her.

Men do seem to be forthcoming about some things they’re looking for (body type, for one), but less so about others.

Furthermore, successful professional women and especially self-sufficient woman can often be mischaracterized by the vices people assume they have (which is pretty sexist and unfair.) Overbearing, controlling, and narcissistic are not exactly buzzwords I’m looking for in a Bumble profile, yet we often pre-judge independent women as such.

She’s a go-getter, a problem solver, and she’s not afraid to tell you when you messed up.

The truth is, a lot of the things you do know about what guys are looking for actually suggest more of the strong and independent type than frail and needy.

If nothing else, be flattered that the guys think you’re too good for them. It’s kind of like a little kid hoping their parents don’t realize they’re lying about who really broke the lamp. Sharing a few smiles across a crowded room is usually a good sign a guy is interested. The problem is, he doesn’t want you to know how afraid he is. All of these are ways for them to deal with feeling a little inferior to the hot girl they’ve approached. Did you just tell him about getting promoted at work? Odds are, an intimidated man suddenly comes up with an excuse to leave.

If you notice any of the signs men are intimidated by you, it’ll probably be up to you to make the first move. Why bother flirting with you if they don’t have the balls to ask you out? I guess when they find out you’re confident, have a career and aren’t going to take any BS, they feel a little intimidated. When a guy seems way too nervous, he’s feeling intimidated. Men who are intimidated by you might talk too loudly, stiffen their stance, push out their chest, fidget more than usual and just generally seem awkward and uncomfortable talking to you.

But now, as a grown man, I’ve come to value things like ambition, responsibility, and even a professional savvy above many of the other more shallow attributes I dreamed of in an ideal match in my youth.

I’ve also noticed that I’m not the only one who prefers a woman who can hold her own.

Many of my friends have married women who are particularly successful in their own right—from doctors to lawyers to businesswomen—and many of my single friends are definitely looking for someone who is confident and can take care of herself. I can see why women might not realize that guys appreciate things like self-sufficiency.

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